Are You Turning or What?
What's up with the new practice of not turning on your turn signal at traffic lights until the light changes? Real nice to the people behind you who could move to another lane rather than get stuck behind you trying to make a left turn, but you can't be bothered to listen to the click click click of the signal. If you want to avoid a stop and go penalty, then turn on your damn signal.
Stop and Go Penalties
NASCAR has something called a Stop and Go Penalty where if you break the rules, you are immediately assessed a penalty where you have to pull in, bring your car to a complete stop, and only then can you continue on.
I think such a system would work exceptionally well on our highways. If you cut someone off maliciously, you get a stop and go penalty where you have to pull off the road, come to a stop, and then try to merge back onto the Beltway in rush hour traffic.
How much fun would this be to enforce? Plus, if you take away the benefits of people driving like jerks, maybe they'd stop. (It's wishful thinking I know, but I can dream.)
Take Turns and Play Nice
It is true that some things we really did learn in kindergarten, and again, I can't believe we'd need to have rules about such things, but I look around every day and see I'm mistaken.
If two lanes on a road are turning into one, we all get where we're going a lot faster if we just alternate. There shouldn't have to be a rule or a law, it just makes sense.
A single line where the first person goes to the next available cashier gets everyone through the line faster. If people have naturally organized themselves that way, don't be the jerk that goes and stands behind one person at the register and ruins the system.
And seriously, what are the odds that you're the only genius that sees the empty lane of traffic? Chances are you're the only one that doesn't see the obstruction half-way up the block and then you get annoyed when no one wants to let you over.
Again, we're trying to have a civilization over here.
Rules We Won't Have
There are things that we shouldn't need to have rules about, because there are some things that are just part of a civil society and shouldn't have to be legislated or dictated.
Regardless of your feelings about the state of the country, the war, or anything else, it is disrepectful to the people who serve their country and sacrifice their lives for it to hold intrusive protests at their funerals. I'm all for freedom of speech - there are just times and places to shut the fuck up.
That said, I'm uncomfortable with the idea of legislating what should be common sense.
We're trying to have a civilization over here, stop screwing it up for everyone.
I Love My TrapperKeeper
I still can't believe that Mead discontinued the lovely TrapperKeeper and when I rule the world, I will dictate that they immediately put into production an updated line of TrapperKeepers, including one for adults.
I am going through a reorganization phase and have been reading about different systems and ways to organize information and most seem to have a very convoluted way of creating notebooks and folders that could easily be condensed to "buy a TrapperKeeper."
Even South Park recognized the power of the Trapper Keeper and the "I Love My Trapper Keeper" song wil melt even the stoniest of hearts as everyone wants to tell you about their favorite Trapper Keeper they had in school.
Yes, but...
All spending initiatives on ballots will have a yes, but... option.
Yes, Metro, you can have additional funding for expansion, but only when you can prove that you're spending the money you already have wisely.
Yes, DC, you can have a special business tax to build a baseball stadium, but that doesn't mean you can ignore development in the other areas of the city that aren't getting a baseball stadium.
Maybe everyone I know is just high context, but there's often a lot more to an issue than a simple yes or no and we need to find a way to represent the "yes, I think that's a good idea but here are the responsibilities that go along with it..."
Death to PowerPoint!
First, don't do it.
Second, if you have to do it, don't put all your text on the slides. (The death penalty will be immediate if you then proceed to read word for word from the slides while facing the screen instead of your audience.)
Third, bringing text in from the sides or fading in or out does not improve the quality of your presentation. It just tells me that you know how to use PowerPoint.
Fourth, have the decency to tell people how long the torture is going to last and put "1 of 10" (see the page number rule) so they will know when the end is near. (If you follow
Guy Kawasaki's 10/20/30 rule for presentations you can avoid penalties for use of PowerPoint.)
Finally, don't mistake a bunch of PowerPoint slides for an enjoyable and informative presentation. That experience comes from you the speaker and the time and effort you invested in researching and pulling together your material. Let your audience see you shine rather than your competence (or lack thereof) with a crappy software program.
Page Numbers
Again, I know this seems like a small thing, but when you're pulling together a bunch of material that has forewards, appendices, and other subsections, it becomes clear that we need rules about page numbers, particularly in electronic documents.
It doesn't have to be hard. Every page is numbered from the very first page. Every page is numbered as 1 of 52, 2 of 52, etc. This way when the printer or copier jams halfway through you know where to restart without trying to find that place in the pdf and then get the electronic page count.
No i or ii. No restarting the numbering in the same document. I don't even care where you put it (as long as it's somewhere along the bottom of the page or the top right corner and it has to be the same on every page.)
These little timesavers will add up - you'll see.
Celembryos
I can't say that I have every little last detail worked out, so while I don't know precisely what form it will take, I can say that clearly we'll need some way to exact retribution on celebrities that apparently hate their children. They must - otherwise why would they insist on naming them Hazel, Phineas, Moses, Apple (which is a cute nickname but imagine a 50 year old woman named Apple), Shiloh, Rumour, Moxie Crimefighter Number One ("Moxie, why don't you just use your middle name?" Moxie: "Because it's Crimefighter."), and the list goes on.
On the other hand, perhaps having children who hate you for saddling them with such "clever" names is enough punishment.
Nah... there's gotta be something more...
Special License Requirement for SUVs
Just as there are different skills required to drive a commercial vehicle or a motorcycle, my new world will require additional licensing requirements for SUVs. Until you can prove that you understand the sheer size and magnitude of your vehicle, not to mention the physics involved in driving and parking it, you don't get to strap Chase and Dakota into the back of the Hummer so you can take them to Montessori School and soccer practice.
I'm not saying you shouldn't have one, I'm just saying we need to recognize that it's a different skill set and you should have to be competent in that skill set before you're running me off the road in rural Virginia because you don't understand just how wide an Expedition is.
